The More I Seek You.

I apologize in advance if this turns out to be a complaint filled blog post, but it will get brighter by the end, promise ;). I have been felling really dumpy today for no apparent reason. Not much happened in the course of the day. I woke up feeling like I didn't get near enough sleep. I sat around until after lunch and then went to get my Oregon driver's license (woo hoo, I'm legal! ...and registered to vote!) which cost $65 that I didn't really need to spend... and went to a thrift store with Audrey to look for yarn and didn't end up buying any. I still haven't eaten dinner. I feel really fat and out of shape today because I tried to exercise this morning to a 45 minute workout video and could barely get through the first 15 minutes. My jeans are no longer fitting and I just feel all around unhealthy. (Read how I am trying to change that here) Anyways, so I was sitting at my desk just about ten minutes ago reading through a devotional book that I got for Christmas and was just "taking time to walk and talk with Jesus" as so stated in my book. My side of the "walk/talk" was going a little like this:

"Jesus, I hate this day. I hate how I feel. I feel gross, fat, blah, useless, helpless and I am running out of self confidence and self esteem. I am not sure why I am feeling this way. I don't know why I am even going to bother with that stupid job interview tomorrow, because I am not good enough to work at The Buckle... come on, have you seen the people that work there? They ooze fashion and beauty. Definitely not me. On the other hand, if I don't find a job fast I am going to run out of money. Also, everyone will think that I am not trying hard enough. Am I trying hard enough? I'm not even sure of that myself. What am I even doing here? I feel dumb. I miss Alabama... I miss my friends, I miss Lifepoint, I miss my mom. I MISS MY LIFE. It was so easy to just exist in Alabama surrounded by people who make life fun and simple. WHY AM I FEELING LIKE THIS?"

Jesus's side of our "walk/talk" was going somewhat like this: 

"Are you done? ....okay good! Open your Bible and start reading. I can give you rest and peace from all of this. I am on your side even when it seems that no one else is."

So, at this point, I open my Bible and this is what I read:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." 

Matthew 11: 28-30

Woah!? Really, Jesus? You are amazing! Why do I ever doubt? Why do I ever question? So then, I pull up Facebook and find this picture posted on my timeline from my grandmother:

Wow.. I tell you honestly that my mind has been blown tonight. Why has my mind been blown when I should know that our God is so more than capable, yet I continue to doubt all the time.

I will go to bed a happy girl and wake up tomorrow refreshed and ready for my interview, because no matter the outcome I know that I AM good enough and I am NOT useless. Things will work out in God's perfect timing, and I am totally okay with that. :)

I leave you with a song that I absolutely LOVE... it always makes me feel like I am in the room with God. Ever since this conversation I had with the Lord took place this evening it has been stuck in my head. :) Enjoy!